Many adults discover their neurodivergence later in life, often after decades of feeling somehow "out of step" with the world around them. Research from the UK Autism Foundation reveals that 79% of adults diagnosed after age 18 report having a persistent feeling of difference throughout their lives - a sense that something wasn't quite aligning, even if they couldn't identify what.
The Persistent Pattern of Difference
Before diagnosis, many people describe a constellation of experiences and feelings that, in hindsight, pointed toward neurodivergence. These might include finding certain environments overwhelming, struggling with tasks others seem to complete effortlessly, or developing elaborate systems to manage daily life.
According to ADHD Action UK, adults frequently report having exhausted themselves trying to keep up with neurotypical expectations, often feeling they need to work twice as hard for the same results. This constant effort, sometimes called "masking" or "camouflaging," can lead to burnout, anxiety, and depression, with UK mental health statistics showing that undiagnosed neurodivergent adults are three times more likely to experience these conditions.
Misattributed Challenges
Without a framework to understand their experiences, many people develop negative explanations for their challenges. A survey by the NHS Neurodevelopmental Services found that 68% of adults later diagnosed with ADHD or autism had previously internalized messages about being "lazy," "too sensitive," or "not trying hard enough."
The UK Adult ADHD Network reports that women particularly tend to develop elaborate compensatory strategies, often leading to later diagnosis. Research shows the average age of diagnosis for women is 7-8 years later than for men, with many receiving incorrect diagnoses like anxiety or depression first.
Social Navigation
Social interaction can be particularly confusing territory. Many describe feeling like they're "watching a play where everyone else has the script" or having to consciously analyse social rules that others seem to grasp intuitively. The National Autistic Society's research shows that 83% of adults diagnosed later in life report lifelong difficulties with social communication, even if they developed strategies to mask these challenges.
Relationships often feel more difficult or draining, with studies showing that undiagnosed adults report higher rates of relationship difficulties and feelings of social isolation. Many describe feeling fundamentally misunderstood, even by close friends and family.
The Seeking Phase
For many, there comes a tipping point - perhaps after reading an article, watching a video, or talking to someone diagnosed - when pieces begin falling into place. This recognition often leads to what ADHD UK calls the "seeking phase," where people actively pursue understanding through research and assessment.
During this time, emotions can be particularly intense. Hope, validation, and fear often coexist as people consider what a diagnosis might mean for their understanding of themselves. A UK study found that 74% of adults experienced significant anxiety during this pre-diagnosis phase.
Finding Your Path
If these experiences resonate with you, know that many others have walked a similar path. The feeling of being different without understanding why can be isolating, but it's a shared experience among many late-diagnosed adults.
While self-recognition can be a powerful first step, professional assessment can provide clarity and access to support. The NHS Neurodevelopmental Network recommends discussing your experiences with a healthcare provider who can guide you through appropriate assessment options.
If you're navigating these complex feelings or seeking support with the assessment process, I'm here to help. Together we can explore your experiences and develop understanding that helps you move forward.
Get in touch to book a free initial consultation.